You really have to admire the determination it must take to go to the extent to which marketing assholes will try to assault your sensibilities. I'm wandering through the grocery store and in my typical lazy fashion I'm trying to find food that I can eat without cooking like steak, cereal, and cookie dough when I happen to notice a similar little note on two of them. I'm so glad I can laugh at this stupid shit.
Take a look at this wrapper, emphasis on the blown up section:
How many of you really care to see detail in your food? Blow it up large enough and any food will begin to look like the surface of the moon which is just not as appetizing looking as it might sound. Now you can't appreciate it from this scaled down picture, but that cookie looks to be about the size of a dinner plate on this package. Why would some marketing asshole think we would care to see every crater and crevice in a cookie? The answer is simple, they don't. They want you to believe that the sign that the Pillsbury Dildough Boy is holding means you are buying 12 chocolate chip pancakes instead of the pathetic excuses for cookies that you actually end up with. That bastard eunuch love child of the Stay Puffed Marshmallow Man and the Michelin Man is LYING TO YOU!
But at least with the cookies I can see a reason. This next one just has me perplexed:
Blowing up a chunk of shredded wheat has absolutely no positive influence on my desire to purchase this cereal. They can't be trying to make me think it's larger than it is, because I can barely fit one of those things in my mouth already. Texture? Again, you'd really need to see this box to fully appreciate it, but I can't tell that HUGE chunk of wheat from a bundle of sticks. Yummy! Sprinkle a little tree bark on top and BAM! Breakfast fit for a termite! If you want to sell your crappy product, why don't you just put a picture of a half-naked chick on the cover like everybody else?
Speaking of dicks, there's one team of marketers that will never try to bullshit you about why you should buy their product. I speak of none other than the myriad of emails I've been getting inviting me to enlarge my penis. Sure these emails are annoying, but at least they tell it like it is. Here's a couple examples of advertisements you will never see from a "make your cock bigger" ad:
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